Cold Valentine
by remerkaba
Summary: Recovering from brainwashing wasn't an easy task, but the entire world celebrating love while she'd had hers ripped away from her by returning memories just seemed a universal cheap shot.  Jack/Sam based on episode Beneath The Surface.


Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate or any of the characters you recognize. I'm just borrowing them for entertainment. There is no monetary gain and no copyright infringement intended. **The lines of dialogue you recognize are from the show, the rest you don't recognize are from me.**

**AN: I was writing on Reflections and this sort of struck me. I was getting sick of the Valentine commercials when suddenly this just seemed to appear on paper. I'm going to do something I've never done before… I'm posting without sending this to Gategirl7 to fix all the things I do wrong when writing. If I do that, it won't be posted on Valentine 's Day since I just wrote it and Valentine's is almost over as it is. This is just a one shot piece of fluff (something else I've never done before). Thank you for reading. Let me know what you think. For those of you reading Reflections – I should be posting another chapter in a couple of days. **

Sam leaned heavily on the counter in her kitchen. It was Valentine's Day. That normally wouldn't mean much to her, she wasn't the kind to allow a Hallmark holiday to make her melancholy over what she didn't have, but today just seemed like the universe was being a little more cruel than usual.

She ran her hands through her hair and rested her face against her forearms. Yesterday morning, well yesterday morning planet side, she corrected automatically, she'd been Thera fighting for her people's survival on an ice planet. She'd been Thera, a young woman looking forward to her stolen moments with Jonah, an older man she'd come to love. "God," she moaned out loud. She almost wished that as the memories of who she really was, who Jonah really was to her had started to seep in, that she could somehow erase the memories of what had happened on the planet.

"And we come back to a world bent on reminding me that I should be with the one I love, celebrating this day of love," she lamented to her empty house, "except he's off limits." She pushed herself up in disgust. Not sure if she was disgusted with the world in general or her own inability to erase Thera from her mind, Sam pulled on her running shoes and headed out to try to clear her mind.

More than two hours later, as she found herself back at her front door, Sam turned and sat down heavily on the steps. She didn't have the strength to face her empty house, but she was too exhausted to keep running.

Thera wasn't gone. That was the trouble. She didn't feel like Sam yet, she felt out of place in her clean house and her soft bed. It was too quiet, outside she felt uneasy, as if the sun shining wasn't real. Mostly she felt lonely. Like a piece of her had been ripped away. She needed him, she needed Johan, but he was Jack and Jack was off-limits.

Unable to fight the tears any longer, Sam pulled her knees up and crossed her arms over them, creating a cradle to hide her face from anyone that might be looking. She'd gotten so used to no privacy on the ice planet that the thought someone might see her didn't occur to her.

"Carter," Jonah's voice was soft with concern, but wait, he'd never called her Carter. She looked up startled to see her commanding officer standing on her sidewalk. He was dressed very casual. His hands were jammed into his pockets as if he'd put them there to keep them still.

She hadn't heard him pull up. She glanced at the street behind him looking for his truck. "I parked around the corner at the mall and walked over," he explained, correctly guessing the directions of her thoughts.

"What are you doing here, Sir?" The tears were still running down her face, but she thought brushing them away might make him comment on why she was crying. She wasn't sure if she could have a conversation with him right now, let alone one involving why she was upset. There was too much of Thera left and not enough of Sam yet.

"I'm not sure," he confessed after a moment. He rocked on his heels and glanced around him. The quick look to assess his surroundings was so much a part of the Colonel that she felt the Major in her react. They were very exposed. Anyone could be watching. The Thera part of her didn't care. Jonah was here. She'd needed him and just as he'd done since the day they'd met, he'd somehow known and found her.

"I'm not sure either," she whispered. "Thera would be very glad to see you, Sir," she told him, noticing him wince at her words. "Carter just isn't really home right now." That was as much warning as she knew how to give in that moment.

"Yeah, I get that," he agreed, surprising her by taking the keys she'd dropped on the porch beside her and stepping around her to open the front door. He didn't say anything else, just turned and offered her his hand. "O'Neill's probably at home," he told her when she didn't react. "He's probably having a beer right now. He would want to come and see if you are ok, but he's smarter than to tempt fate like that."

What was he saying? Was he saying he'd come to her as Jonah, not Colonel O'Neill? Sam's ears perked up and he heart sped. Could he be having as much trouble letting go as she was? "He might even be complaining at this moment about all those damn commercials interrupting his game and telling him that he should be doing something special for his special girl." Jack's voice was warm like Jonah's, but he was unsure in a way that was all Jack.

Sam reached for his outstretched hand. "Carter was saying the same thing about the commercials." She allowed him to pull her to her feet. Walking ahead of him, Sam was acutely aware when he dropped her keys on the hall table and shut the door behind them. She didn't know how to react, didn't have any idea what to expect. Anticipation sped her heart up at the same time that her body softened and she felt the beginnings of desire take root in her stomach.

They couldn't do this. Even if O'Neill and Carter felt miles away right now, they couldn't cross more lines. "Sir," she started only to find her words cut off as he turned her to him and pulled her into his arms.

"We didn't get to say goodbye," he whispered, holding her tight against him and tucking her head under his chin. "Just thought it might be OK to say goodbye," he told her. Sam could feel the rumble of his voice in his chest. She nodded against him and relaxed into his arms, bringing hers around him, returning his embrace.

"I'm not sure I can say goodbye," she confessed. "Janet said it would probably take a little while for it to all come back, but I still feel like Thera." When he started to loosen his arms, she tightened hers. She had something to say to him and she wasn't sure she could say it if she was looking at his face.

"I know I'm Major Carter. I know you're Colonel O'Neill, but I feel like I'm in Jonah's arms."

"You are," came the surprising answer a few moments later. "You're not the only one having trouble with this." She felt an emotional weight lift off of her. She didn't have to do this alone, at least not all of it.

"As much as I can't believe I'm about to utter these words," he sighed and pushed her back away from him so he could see her face. "We probably need to talk." His voice was low and full of concern. There was no hint of command in it. It was Jonah's voice. Thera bubbled up in her, pushing Sam Carter to the back of her mind. She reached for his face, sliding a hand along his neck. The fear in her belly mixed with desire. She was scared he'd rebuff her, but his eyes slid closed at her touch.

That was all the encouragement that she needed. She stood on tiptoe and pulled herself against his body. Jack, no Jonah tensed slightly, so she knew he was aware of her intent. Maybe he'd wanted her to do this all along. It would be harder for him to push things between them than for her. He was the senior officer, he'd probably feel he was taking advantage of his position with her if he'd been the one to bridge the distance.

The thoughts of rank and probability were swept away as Jack opened to her and allowed her to deepen the kiss. This was new. Jonah had never hesitated; he'd been the one to kiss her, the one to take charge when she'd tried to kiss him. Sam's apprehension and uncertainty cut through the familiarity of Thera and Jonah. She withdrew, tears threatening, but Jack didn't allow it. He slid a hand into her hair and pulled her lips back to his.

The kiss was different, but the same. She and Jonah had thought they had all the time in the world. They'd taken refuge in each other. They'd come together to find a bit of happiness in a world filled with darkness. This kiss tasted of Thera and Jonah, but there was a desperate air to it that was all Sam and Jack. This was goodbye and they both knew it.

Sam moaned as Jack slid his free hand to her back. Her jogging shirt wasn't tight, allowing him to slide his fingers against her bare skin. Instinctively she arched against him, fitting the soft contours of her body against his answering hardness.

"Oh God, Sam," he groaned, breaking the kiss. "This was a bad idea. I should leave." He pulled back, but didn't release her right away.

"You said you came here to let Jonah and Thera say goodbye," she started, finding courage in his hold on her. "We both know how we'd have said goodbye on that planet if we'd been forced to."

"We're not on that planet," he argued, no heat in his voice, just resignation.

"I know," she agreed. "Do you think it would make anything worse if we said goodbye like we'd have before we knew we couldn't?" She wasn't sure herself at this point. "Alien influence or not, we both know what it feels like now. I mean what…"

"You mean what it feels like to watch you break apart with me inside you?" he finished for her when she couldn't say the words. Desire shot down her spin and pooled in her center at his words. Jack didn't say anything for a few minutes. She could see him considering. "You sure we can say goodbye and leave it at that, Sam? I'm not." She wasn't prepared for that. She had no idea what to say, wasn't even positive what he was trying to say.

"No," she answered honestly. "But I'm sure that I don't want to leave things like they are right now." That seemed to be good enough for him. Jack nodded and reached for her again. This time there was no hesitation, he swept his tongue against hers, claiming her mouth as his hand slid under her shirt.

Sam moaned as the flames he was fanning licked at her insides. Pulling back from the kiss, she laced her fingers in his hand and pulled him down the hall. She didn't want to think anymore and she didn't want him to think either.

"Sure," he questioned, his voice horse with effort. She nodded, reaching for her shirt, intending to pull it over her head.

"No," Jack stopped her by pulling her hands away from her shirt and placing them in his behind her back. A thrill shot down her spin. This wasn't Jonah. He'd always been so careful of her. "I know what you taste like, but I've don't know what you look like." He took a step toward the bed, pressing her backwards until she bumped against the edge of the mattress. With ease he guided her down and released her hands.

When Jack laid his hands flat against her skin and slowly eased her shirt up as if he was fascinated by each inch of skin revealed, Sam moaned and squirmed as the ache between her legs grew. "Oh God," she said, as he reached her breast. Thera and Jonah had been intimate several times as they'd become closer and closer, but it had always been in a stolen spot, discovery possible at any second. Jack's slow discovery of her was driving her insane.

"Soft, perfect," he murmured, almost to himself and he finished removing her shirt from her torso. He slid it down her shoulders and left her arms trapped by the material. At this angle, her breasts were thrust out toward him. The next thing to go was her bra. He released the front closure and pushed that down her arms also. The soft kiss he pressed against the swell of her breast was so tender, Sam closed her eyes to savor the moment. She wasn't ready when he swept his tongue across her already pebbling nipple and lightly nipped at her before sweeping his tongue across the abused flesh.

"Oh God," she groaned, desire flooding her senses. Jack's attention switched the other peak. This time his nip was a little harder as he sucked her hardened nipple deep into his mouth, the suction combined with his tongue and teeth pushing her almost to the brink.

"Please," she whimpered, pulling her arms free of her shirt and bra to reach for him. She laced her fingers into his short spiky grey hair and pulled him against her. She felt him smile against her. In one motion he stood and reached for her pants. It only took seconds for the rest of her clothes to slide to the floor.

Sam reached for Jack's belt. She wanted to see him naked as much as he'd wanted to see her. She wanted to see the body she'd been exploring with her hands the last few weeks. "Please, Jonah," she whispered before she was aware what name she'd spoken. Jack's eyes turned dark.

He stepped into her and reclaimed her mouth with his. Sam's head spun as she found herself lowered to the bed without breaking the kiss that was threatening to consume her. She gasp when she felt him part her nether lips, his fingers sliding over the bundle of nerves hidden there.

"Who am I Sam," he ask, patting her rhythmically. Sam felt her body clench.

"Oh God," she repeated unsure. "Thera and Jonah need to say goodbye,"

"Names, Sam," he insisted, sliding a finger inside of her as his thumb took up residence on her clit. "Let em go, Sam. Thera and Jonah never existed." She wasn't sure what he was getting at. She couldn't think straight, she was so close. "It's not Thera about to come on my hand is it?"

Sam felt like screaming when Jack slowed his assault on her flesh. She was hanging on the edge, her body hurt with the buildup of energy. She needed release, but she also needed to hide behind Thera. She couldn't have this with her CO, Johan was safe, he didn't exist. He couldn't follow her to the real world and force her to make decisions she didn't want to face.

"Please," she pleaded, "I'm so close."

"Good Girl," he encouraged. "Let me hear you tell me what you want. Come on Sam, do you really want this to be Jonah you're coming for?" He was right. Jonah and Thera had been pale reflections of them, Sam and Jack. The love was there, it always had been.

"Jack, please," she asked, focusing on him as much as she could with her body screaming for release. "I want you. I want to come for you." Her words tore a groan from him but he was a good as his word. Jack pushed her back onto the bed without removing his hand from her. He increased the timing of his fingers on her flesh. Sam moaned her relief as her body made the final leap into orgasm.

Before her body had finished climaxing, Jack's weight settled over her. She didn't think she could go any higher, but when he entered her wet pulsing body, impaling her on his length in one powerful stroke, she screamed in ecstasy.

"Jack," she shouted, as he withdrew and plunged into her again. She reached for his shoulders, holding on to him as the world spun out of control and she crested again. She was barely aware of Jack's answering shout as his thrusts became unsteady and he emptied himself in her.

It was a long time before Sam's body quieted. Jack weights on top of her anchored her. He lay slightly to the side so that he did not crush her, but he hadn't withdrawn from her yet. She didn't want him too. What had just happened?

"Jack," she began, not facing him.

"I don't know, Sam," he answered before she could ask more. "I'm don't know where that came from, but I didn't want it to be Jonah you were calling for." His words mirrored her heart. She didn't resist when he propped himself up on his elbow and turned her to face him.

"I can't retire right now. They wouldn't let me." He told her, shocking her more. She had no idea what to say. "I can't take a chance with your career either."

"My career, my choice," she declared, finding her voice. If she didn't fight for this now, he'd withdraw from her and they'd never have a chance. She wanted a chance. "You are trained in keeping secrets and it's your job to make sure I'm trained for any situation isn't it?" Jack looked at her for a moment before laughter creased his eyes.

"I like the way you think," he agreed. "But you have to know what could happen to you if we're found out."

"To us," she corrected. "I'm not taking this decision lightly Jack. I know what I'm getting into and what chances I'm taking. I want this. I want you." She held her breath, scared that he would say no just to protect her.

"Think Dad will kill me if he finds out?" She laughed. It was going to be ok. They'd find a way. Sam didn't say anything else, just snuggled into Jack's embrace. She felt her world was right when he wiggled a little to get comfortable and pulled her partially across him before drifting off to sleep. Smiling, she allowed her body to relax. Valentine's Day had turned out to be her favorite holiday of all.


End file.
